38 Comments
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Mark Mc Keown's avatar

I am on year 31. it gets easier as days turn to weeks, weeks to months and months to years. It doesn't mean the monster is gone.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Thank you, Mark, I hope all is well in your life

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Lea's avatar

Day 13-14 was my Day 5 for some time. I did get past it eventually. Thank you for sharing.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

I think that as you get some distance, the pain feels very much in the past, and you simply forget the pain alcohol or any addiction causes you and teh people you love. Thank you for reading, and I hope that maybe another person reads this and gets some hope.

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nancy knox-bierman's avatar

ditto-I would always make it to the 2 week mark, and then, thinking I "had it under control", I would drink again. I did get past it as well and am on the 10 year mark....thank God and the Universe.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

The drink is a crafty enemy and lulls you into a false sense of security. That's how it gets you: your mind tells you it will be different this time, but it never is. Thank you for reading

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nancy knox-bierman's avatar

Remember it is your enemy. One that will take all you love. My 2 best friends (awesome women and partiers extraordinaire) did not live to see 60. Neither did my son-in-law's Father. Our grandson is due in November. I will be hugging that little one for both of us.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Yes I too have seen the wrath of alcohol and the yellow wrecks that lie there awaiting death still telling the lie, I don’t have a drink problem

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nancy knox-bierman's avatar

Hang in there. It is so worth it. My kids would have never let me hang out with my grandbabies, if I had still been drinking.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Thank you for reading and the support, addiction takes everything from you in the end.

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Dan McDunn's avatar

Been there myself. Praying for you, Brian. It’s a struggle for sure but worth persisting.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Thank you, Dan, for your support. I will fight on

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SW's avatar

You are far from a failure. Do not ever be ashamed.

Love,

One of your wife's followers of her Substack

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Jenny Holland's avatar

🥹💜

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Yes, the shame is great; everyone else seems to be able to control this monster, so why can't I? This is the constant stream of conversation that floods my mind most days, and I'm not alone. Thank you for reading my piece.

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SW's avatar

The shame is the demon not the drinking.

The love and support of Christ surpasses any knowledge. "Go in Peace".

Do not be ashamed.

John 14:27

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Amen

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Jim Ryser's avatar

The worst vice is ADvice; I hope you don’t get a ton of it here. Just know that I am thinking about you and your family having been there myself too many times to count.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Ah, yes, the old 'come on, man, pull yourself together' line, or some such similar sentiment. Only people in the same position can help, and finding a true spiritual path will save you in the end. Thank you for reading my piece.

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Teresa Maupin's avatar

Thank you for your heartfelt inner voice. It rises for you and others. ❤️🙏❤️

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

I really appreciate your thoughts. I hope that sharing my experience might help others.

Thank you for reading my piece.

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Y. Andropov's avatar

It took me 10 years and 5 rehabs to get sober.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

The demons that reside inside our heads are very real and almost impossible to beat. People say we are weak-willed, but I am yet to meet a weak-willed recovering alcoholic.

Thank you for reading my piece.

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Paving the Way's avatar

Try to get to day six.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Thank you for reading. I have entered day 8, I am not looking down the road, just keeping it in the day, and hopefully finding a spiritual path.

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Paving the Way's avatar

Try to get to day 9.

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John Wygert's avatar

It isn't just the drink, it's the lifestyle that goes with it. Until you change your life, the temptation will remain

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

People, Places and Things, unfortunately, I work in hospitality, so that's a change that may take some time, but I am trying. Thank you for reading my piece.

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Charles Wemyss, Jr.'s avatar

A lovely family that had a father who suffered from the black dog of drink, had a friend, She came to their house one morning and had had a sign made up. It said:

“Die you bastard. Just don’t drink.”

It resonated with him and he quit, used the power of AA and his own will to not drink. It is very hard and it is very easy. In all of it, forget about being a good or bad person, the promises, etc., Die you bastard, just don’t drink. You’re more than half way home. The road to conversion starts with the first step to Damascus, as the saying goes. At any rate you all get the point.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

It is the collateral damage that hurts the most. We are truly sincere in our efforts to dry out or clean up, but the beast lives within us, not just physically around us. This is the part most people don't understand. Thankfully, I have strong and loving people surrounding me. Thank you for reading my piece

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Charles Wemyss, Jr.'s avatar

It was a great bit of writing and took courage. In the US Marine Corps infantry we speak of two kinds of courage. Physical courage, the ability to endure pain and or fear and act. Get suppressing fires on an enemy shooting at you from a bunker. But we also speak of moral courage, much harder to define and harder to say when it happens. But we know when it happens because we are there at point where refusing an unlawful order is going to hurt but has to be done. In laying it all for your readers you exhibited enormous moral courage. It isn’t easy, as you say you know the beast and are working to tame it. We can’t ask more of you. Just keep going. Or “Die you bastard, just don’t drink!” (Hope you see the sincerity and humor in the slogan!!)

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

I appreciate the sentiment and the humour

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Valoree Dowell's avatar

Dear Brian: I kept this post (from Jenny’s ‘stack) to write you some encouragement. A week’s gone by and I hope you’ve passed day ten now. Remember your own encouragement—and strength—in what you said:

“But still — I'm writing this.

And that, in itself, is something. A fragile, flickering something.”

Here’s to keeping that flicker alive.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Hello Valoree, thank you for your comment and thank you for reading, it means a lot, day 19, and the future is looking positive.

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Hello, thank you for reading and sending me encouragement

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Brian Donnelly's avatar

Hello Cary, Thank you for reading and responding to my post. It was hard to write and open myself up like that, but with Jenny's encouragement and belief, I hope my message reaches maybe a few folks so they know they are not alone.

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Cary Cotterman's avatar

Twenty-two years since the last time I got shitfaced, made a thorough asshole of myself, and had a miserable four-day hangover accompanied by intense spousal disapproval. I still have wine with dinner sometimes, a couple of beers now and then, but no more drinking too much. No more getting drunk, or even buzzed. Never, ever, ever again. So far, so good.

Jenny was right--you're a good writer.

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Jenny Holland's avatar

Hi Cary! Love seeing you here too! 🥰

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